I Don’t Love My Phone

Actually, I have three phones. Cell phones. Smart phones. One I gave to my mother.  It’s a Blackberry and she can’t figure out how to make a call, so I fixed it to only call me. The second is a whatever…I can’t be bothered remembering phone names…I call it the little phone. Because, well, it’s little. The last is a Droid. You have to say that in the weird voice they use in the ads or it doesn’t work. I found that out. ‘Cuz my first one broke. I wasn’t using the voice…and it died.

Actually, that was over two months ago. I sent for a new one and got it overnight. but I haven’t been to the Verizon store to get it programed yet. At first that was because I had the plague. Then it was because I was fucking spinning around busy catching up on all of the shit I missed while I was at home blowing my nose. And then it was because I just kinda forgot about it. I didn’t care anymore. I fell outta love.

Actually, I don’t think I was ever really IN love with it. LSS (long story short) – the nephew bought it originally, I helped by putting it on my plan. And then I inherited it, and the lovely payments, when the nephew went to stay under the managed care of the county. So I was never really emotionally attached to the phone. It was never the choice a middle-aged geeky woman woulda chosen. It is more the type a 22 year old boy who is sexting more than his aunt wants to think about kinda phone. Ya know?

All of this recent phone crap has led me to the conclusion that I’m kinda over them all. Although I know I’ll end up with a WHITE 4g iPhone in my pocket and I have no idea what will happen to this nephew-Droid-phone.

In my most perfect world I would NOT have a phone. At. All. I would be fine with that. And yes, I do know I have the ability to make that choice right now…but, but…in whinny voice…I can’t.

Right now…I turn off my phone when I’m at home. I have Google Voice so I know when I get a call…and I never have to hear it ring. I can call whoever when I am in the right ‘space’ to do so. This actually saves people from having to pay for shit that they shouldn’t have to pay for…

Like if you called and I had just had to deal with maneuvering through my mother’s sock drawer looking for that specific pair while she directs me from the bed…and I KNOW that pair was thrown out last week…if you call right after THAT…you might just get a piece of me you don’t deserve. So it’s better I wait and call you later.

You get it?

Now hold your nose and say…Droid.

…fine…

okay…everyone who is totally stressed and tired of pretending raise your hand. Yeah, me too.

It really hit me yesterday when I found myself down hard on my knees praying not to kill a certain SIL…praying to please not worry about every little thing wrong with the city…praying to please let me just FORGET for a day…forget everything I have to do for my mother, to deal with, to keep up with. Please Give me a God Damn Day Off.

And then Self-Censored Janet kicks in…and she bats her eyes and she says, thank you and why yes, everything is just fine. No, no problems with Wanda…she’s doing great. No, no problems with JP…he’s going to be just fine. Yes, yes, isn’t the politics silly…but we know everything is going to be just fine.

fine. Fine.

There was a movie my mother and I saw a very long time ago…thirty, forty years ago. About a family of children who had only a father…and the father died. So this family…a big family…to stay together, hid the fact that their father was dead. When people would ask about him…when people would say, “How’s Roy Luther?” They’d say, “Why, He’s just fine.”

Fine.

So there is a whole lotta shit that isn’t fine. And granted there is even some shit that IS fine. Thank god. I’m just tired of being whacked in the head by the not-fine shit. Seriously…did I some how ask for this? And I do NOT want to hear that over used platitude “you’re only given as much as you can handle” crap. Pulllleeeaaazzzee. Pfft.

And I most certainly know that it’s not all about me. It just feels like that right now, so let me go with that, okay? Thanks.

Yeah…I know the best thing I could do is to get out of my head…but my head is so fucking big there’s nowhere else to go. Ha. Ain’t that fine?

…hurdling crap…

I don’t really want to write a post today but I’m going to just to prove to myself that I can do anything I don’t want to do. I like bossing myself around like that.

The week has been a full tilt spinner…what with the mother business and the city business and the home business and the what the hell am I doing business. Tiring, I tell ya. Bastards are coming at me from all directions~! Not that I didn’t put up huge yellow arrow pointing directly at myself saying “Here I Am, Please Kick My Ass”.

But with all of the crap being hurled my direction…one outstanding thing I’ve realized is that I’ve become really good at saying NO. Cheers to me~!

In the recent past I’ve toyed with no…given it out here and there. But of late, it’s become second nature. In a very good way. No and I are total buddies now. Pals, even.

You can test me if you like. I’m up for it~!

Now besides that, I’m encountering many new challenges like having to COOK. Which has never been a strength of mine. I always lived with guys who cooked or lived with guys who didn’t give a shit about food. That worked for me. But now I have to research recipes for my mother’s health and keep her eating. This is no easy chore at all.

Of course I do realize that a big part of my problem here is that I HAVE to do it…and it is not in my nature to do anything that I HAVE to do. Never has been.

Damned life lessons…give me a break will ya?

Enough of that…now I’m going to concentrate on two things that please me greatly. Both of a geeky nature…and both leading to a yummy paycheck.

Seize ya later, little frenzies…*smoochies~!

The Real Writer

You can be a good writer. You can have brilliant ideas. You can be a tireless worker. You can down right glow when helping others. BUT if you can’t express your true self…your authentic persona in your blog…you’ll just plain suck.

Yeah, so everyone is pushing the concept of “Content is King”. To a degree that is absolutely correct. But it’s only a slice of the reality. The biggest chunk…the one that will draw readers and get them to return…is personality.

I read many blogs everyday. Plenty of really great ones and tons of crap. The percentage of Crap to Good is pretty high. What keeps me going back to certain writers? Their honest voices, from the gut.

How did they find that voice? I don’t know, exactly. Some probably took hours and hours of English and Communication studies in college. Some found it naturally. Some may even have done as I’ve done.

You see, I studied theater for many many years. Taught it for many more. And I know for a fact that the lessons learned through the hundreds of exercises, drills and character work that I’ve done ingrained a unique ability within me. Said simply, I am a character…ANY character that I wish to be.

I’ve developed the art of molding and improvisationally developing intriguing and interesting personas. This development and study has given me a nice sharp edge when applied to networking online.

The improvisation classes that I took taught me how to develop, grow and connect with the world around me. They also taught me how to read my audience. How to feel them and temper my work to suit their needs.

None of these voices that I apply to my writing are false…they are simply empathic personas with which I share experiences. And they are ALL me. Me to the core. The core is where the truth lies.

So some days my posts are all serious and shit where I’m
Tecno-Nerd Janet…while on other days I let my ‘silly’ loose. This suits me. It gives me freedom. And I believe that this ability I’ve honed allows me to share 360°.

Now just a thought…if you’re having a difficult time expressing yourself…or finding a unique voice, step away from the keyboard and explore some physical theater exercises. Or take an Improv class. Or join a local theater group. A fine way to connect to your inner persona is to learn to explore it physically.

Writing with a true voice is a brave act. And it’s deeply fulfilling.

UPDATE: EJ’s Criteria For NOT Excepting FB Friend Requests

Once again:

EJ’s Criteria for excepting/denying Friend requests on FB. I AM NOT there to collect numbers. Be a human or hit the road.

1. You send a request, but I have NO IDEA who you are. Write me note first…introduce yourself. Or just go ahead and be an asshat. Denied.

2. I know you but you NEVER say hello to me when we see each other IRL. So…fuck off. Plus you’ve burned me more than once.

3. I’ve deleted you before. I had a reason for that, if you wanna know why send me a message. (Most likely you tend to be passive-aggressive, post quotes as if they are your own, or post nothing but Jesus stuff…boring.)…(and hey, Jesus is cool…as a historical figure…but I’m not a christian.)

4. We never liked each other IRL…why the fuck would I want you in my friends?

5. You show every indiction of being a stalker/spammer/idiot.

6. I know you…you’re boring.

7. You send a request, I accept…and you NEVER even say thanks or anything for that matter. You will be deleted within three days.

8. You are using the Profile set-up for your business…big fat FAIL. Read the FB TOS. I have NO RESPECT for businesses who don’t follow the rules.

9. You have a business LOGO as your Profile pic.

10. You NEVER post about your real life, have real conversations or let us get to know you. Yawn, again.